So, I struggle with depression. Sometimes I’m fine. Great, really. One might even go so far as to say “happy.” But other times I’m not—I’m not fine, I’m not great, I’m not happy. Other times the darkness blankets the light. And that really blows, there’s no beating around the bush of depression. And here’s the thing. You’re allowed to be pissed about that, you’re allowed to feel like straight shit about it.
Right now, during this critical period in history, in this political landscape, this global shitshow, we are encapsulated by an unprecedented amount of turmoil floating around. And there’s this absolutely ludicrous phenomenon brought on by this sort of mass disarray. When issues of this magnitude pervade our lives, we feel like everything else seemingly needs to take a backseat. You feel a sharp sense of guilt for feeling the pain of your own issues when there are so many other direr, more important ones happening around you. Things you can barely fathom.
I’m a straight, white, privileged woman. I am not discriminated against because of my skin color. People don’t call my romantic life (or severe lack thereof) an abomination, a sin, a disease that can be fixed.
And here comes the guilt again. How can you feel so much pain when there’s a boatload of other seemingly critical crap going on?
But here’s the thing. You’re still allowed to feel. No matter what’s going on in the world, no matter who else is hurting, you’re allowed to hurt, too. No one has a monopoly on pain.
The way I see it, not allowing yourself to feel pain because someone has it worse than you do is like not allowing yourself to feel joy because they’re ostensibly better off than you are. You have a great job, but someone else has a better one. You got an A on that exam, but someone else gets an A+. So, how can you be happy with your comparably mundane life?
Well, because there’s no finite amount of happiness. No one gets a bigger piece of the proverbial pie simply because their hurt appears more significant than yours. Because, like depression and pain, no one has a monopoly on happiness. No one has a monopoly on feeling. So, your pain, your happiness—they still matter.
So, take care of yourself. No matter what. Take care of yourself, love yourself. And don’t feel guilty in experiencing that pain. Because it matters. Your pain matters.
You still matter. Always.
Here’s a picture of me looking depressed.