Oh, say can you see? By an Autumn Sunday’s sweet light? That’s right, my sweet petunias. Football season is poking her beautiful head back around that athletic corner. While we may be a devastating four months away from the real deal, in a mere few hours, sweet salvation shall come. Yes, that’s right, cupcakes: it’s… Continue reading The Real First Round: Second Edition
Okay, boys. We need to talk. The four scariest words a woman can possibly utter in your direction. But it’s time. It’s time for a chat. We’re living in a weirdass time right now. Politically, socially—shit is upside down. Our pussy-grabbing president is being accused of having a sleepover with Russia. Women have been marching… Continue reading Masculinity, The Bachelor, and a Few Golics
Notre Dame’s football season is over. Sweet Jesus, Glory be! The clouds have parted, the sun is shining, and the storm has passed. Oh, happy day! Today, I shan’t lament the goings on of what can truly only be described as the most agonizing three months of my markedly-shortened life. No, today, I’d like to… Continue reading The Making of a Broken Woman
This past Sunday, I suffered a devastating, penetrating loss. In a game for the ages, Notre Dame came up three points short against the Longhorns of Texas. A double-overtime spectacle, the match was positively electric. But, alas, the Fighting Irish left the field with a big L. Just when one thinks one’s soul cannot get… Continue reading The Three Things You Need to Appropriately Mourn a Deep Loss
Gather around, baby kittens. Mama has some talkin’ to do. We have upon us the single greatest weekend of all weekends. The greatest day of all days. And, that, my dears, is GameDay. I dare you to name a day more ferociously energetic, more downright magical than the first Saturday of the college football season.… Continue reading IT’S HERE
It wasn’t twenty minutes. You said your son is being punished for “twenty minutes of action.” I can barely begin to fathom how you can morally rationalize uttering that phrase. There is a litany of grievances with your callous words, and I’m going to start with the first two. Twenty minutes. Twenty minutes. It was… Continue reading An Open Letter to Brock Turner’s Father from A Fellow Twenty Minutes of Action
In the last several days, we’ve encountered an onslaught of news regarding the sexual assault scandal at Baylor University. As I scathingly mentioned earlier this week, Art Briles was fired from his position as head coach of the Baylor University football team. Both Chancellor Kenneth Starr and Athletic Director Ian McCaw have officially resigned. It’s… Continue reading Yes, This Is Another Post About Rape. Yes, It Is Important.
The NBA Finals are upon us. In a positively stunning twist of events, we find ourselves at the forefront of a championship series rematch between the Cleveland Cavaliers and Golden State Warriors. Now, ESPN does a fantastic job of covering the various ins and outs of the series. However, they’re missing one key element. And… Continue reading NBA Finals: The Fantasy Five
I’m throwing you guys a curveball today. In terribly unfamiliar fashion, I decided to collaborate with another obscure artist, Tom Knight. An extraordinarily Caucasian former baller for our alma mater, Notre Dame, followed by a brief stint as a European professional basketball star, Mr. Knight now hosts his very own podcast, The Cause, in which… Continue reading It’s a Podcast Party
Today, is a beautiful day. Yes, the sun is shining. Yes, the birds are chirping. But it goes much further than that. Today, the dragon has been slayed. Today, Art Briles has been fired. As the public becomes privy to the intricacies of what can only be described as one of the most inconceivably atrocious… Continue reading Art Briles: Rapist
Are You Calling Me Fat? 